My Story - Part 2
Sun, December 18 and Day 7 of the 12 Days of Textures
Plus a peek inside my white room.....
Click HERE to read part 1 of my story.
As I sit here....I am thinking where do I begin... my part 2 .... ?
the.... 'things do get better'.... part of my story.
The story bits are a little blurry.... But yet I can pick out the main events and know that one thing happened for the sake of the next....and so on.
(I have to tell you.... piecing this together has been kinda hard......I've been working away at it over several days.... I hope you can follow along.....)
That dreadful night...the night of the phone call...the night that our world came crashing down.... was an end.....and it was also a beginning. It alone is a story to be told.... an incredible series of God-Guided steps....one thing happening in order for the next......
It truly amazes me when I look back on it all. It would have taken only one move to change the entire course. But it was like we were characters in a screen play....staying on script....but when it was over....
I felt no awe.... I felt no gratitude..... I felt loss, sadness, disappointment.....and I felt many dreams dying!
That night lead to deep sadness.... my heart ached for my son, for our family..... We had to face his mistake.....He had to live with it. But little by little we made it through.
I would love to say it was one big transforming moment for our boy. But it really wasn't like that. It was eventual....slow.... and for me it was frustrating....really really frustrating. I wanted it to be something like you see on television....where the character wakes up and goes forth to change his life.....
Nope.... not like TV at all!!
As awful as that night was...it had to happen. I know that now.... and I am thankful for it.
But, let's move forward..... from that night.... shall we?
thank you for the beautiful scarf, Meike...xo
My creativity started to flow........and flow and flow...... I suppose it had been locked up for so long....it just needed to get loose....and free......Pour on out of me.... Perhaps I was releasing all that built up pain and sadness through my art.
I started painting again.... and I felt a pull to try new things.... I could not seem to paint the way I used to.... No more signs and folk art..... I discovered the world of mixed media and tried my hand at it...loved it...... But my publisher was not feeling it at all. They wanted me to continue making the art I had been making....but I wanted to grow and evolve.
In fact I couldn't make my old art....it just wouldn't come out.
Looking back....I know it was all part of the greater plan. If they had embraced my 'new art'.... I would not have found my camera.....
So thank you publisher.... thank you for saying no.....
Photography makes me feel complete. It feels right and real...and it feels like a part of me. I always loved to paint....but it never 'fit' like photography....
As they say....when one door closes...... 'sigh'
OH my... another door opens that is so much bigger and better and richer ......
My creativity was back.... our family was healing.... things were looking up! But, the past few years had taken their toll on us financially.... we were holding on tight.....
I needed to start rebuilding my business....or get a 'real job'(as some people like to say...)
I remember feeling very frustrated that I had to worry about money after all the turmoil we had already been through. It seemed so unfair!
I couldn't imagine not making ART...... An artist must make ART....
I had worked so damned hard to build a business... We had made it... I had paid my dues...(i thought)....But, the royalties were dwindling.... mix that with the economic decline...and it was bad!
I remember sitting here, in my studio....tears flowing..... and feeling terribly desperate...... I'm sure you know the feeling.... like, I can't do another day of this... I just can't! But I did.... we did....day by day.... little miracles kept allowing us to hang on....
'sigh'
So day after day I made art.... I shared on my blog.... I researched... I tried new things....
One day it hit me..... 'Kim, you have to stop focusing on the lack.......and focus on your blessings...and abundance.....start giving...sharing.... like you have more than enough to go around.'
I believe that shift was a turning point for me. My heart found gratitude..... which healed the anger and resentment...and hurt.... and the more I gave...the more grateful I felt.....
Somewhere amongst all the other stuff going on, sometime before that night......... I realized that if I wanted to keep making art, I needed to learn how to use photoshop. Many artists were going digital. But I just couldn't get into it.... Just opening the program overwhelmed me. I could not believe I had spent $600 on a program that was just sitting there.....what a waste.....
The whole blogging thing, made me much more interested in photography though. It seemed the most fabulous blogs had the best pictures. Up until then I was using my camera on auto to snap photos for my publisher. Now I was taking photos to share on my site. I knew they needed help. But I wasn't sure where to begin.
One day, I took my camera to the trail... I came home, uploaded the photos....and then ventured into photoshop. I decided to add a texture to a simple tree image...... and fell in love. I fell in love with the photos.....and the process.... It was like making art...right there on my screen. My direction changed that day. I may not have known it at the time...but it changed.
I started learning my camera....and I started to really use photoshop. (finally I was putting that scary and very expensive program to use)....
I tried a texture, than another...and another..... I remember posting my photos on flickr and being so excited when I went back and found comments on my pictures....and oh my gosh... Shutter Sisters choose one of my photos as the daily click.... And that is were my Shutter Sister Love began.
So I started to make art, with my photography and began sharing that on my site.
Somewhere along the way, I discovered the crazy awesome world of online classes..... I discovered the Mondo Beyondo eCourse. But there was no way I could afford to sign up!!I wanted to ....so bad...
Then one evening in December... I was just about to call it a night.... I jumped onto twitter.... someone had posted a link to a give away at Design Mom...for a spot in the Mondo Beyondo class!! I zipped over, entered a heart-felt comment.... and guess what.....I won... out of 500 plus people I won!!
Another life changing event..... in the series of it all....
My plans were in motion.... I was going to do something with my photography. I just knew it! We just had to make it through. And somehow...we did. Little gifts kept coming....to allow us to hang in there.
In 2010, I choose 'soar' as my one little word. And, soar I did.
I started the Mondo Beyondo class in January..... It changed my life.
I made a Mondo Beyondo dream list.....and so many of those dreams have come true. I've since updated my Mondo Beyondo list with even bigger dreams.
I started teaching photoshop classes, and making and selling my textures. I just STARTED. I didn't have the luxury of waiting for the perfect time to begin, or waiting til I was ready. I had to START. Right there, where I was.
People began buying my textures, signing up for my classes and visiting my site. It was amazing.
There were many things on that first Mondo Beyondo list.... But I have to share one BIG one....
Remember I said I had fallen for Shutter Sisters.... I had also discovered Tracey Clark. I was in awe of her talent...and presence....her totally awesome everything. I had never spoken to her via comments, or postings...or email, but I loved her. I wrote on my mondo beyondo list:
Collaborate with Tracey Clark, .....those were the exact words....
And one year later... as I sat here on a Saturday night...in January 2011, my email beeped....I almost fell off my chair... the sender name was
Tracey Clark.....and thru a series of emails.... we agreed that I would be the newest Shutter Sister Contributor.
Seriously... I can't tell you how BIG that was!
And it's because of that amazing Mondo Beyond dream, I traveled to California... I found the most incredible people who totally get me....I discovered dreams I didn't even know I had.... 'sigh'
My business blossomed. My beautiful readers not only helped me buy an iMac, they helped saved Ben's life. I mean can you imagine....??
There are so many things I could share....... but these are the 'main events'..... one thing leading to another and to another...
I realize now... I was exactly where i was supposed to be at each moment..... and each moment lead me to this moment....
you know?
I now, make an awesome living teaching my classes and selling my textures. I get to make art, share art.... and connect with all of you....It really is a dream.
The future has a whole series of bigger things ahead... pinch me things.... seriously, for real? things.... Umm, yes please!! I will totally do that! and that...and that... and Thank you God... I am truly blessed.
What I know for sure...... I am exactly where I am supposed to be......right here...right now.... it's all a part of my journey..... and for that I am most thankful!
a Set of 3 Magic Textures to Try
Remember....the trick with the magic textures.... Screen Blend mode... :)
Click HERE to download today's set.
xo,
Reader Comments (74)
Glad you found the love of photography and of art.
I love your textures and your work !!!! thanks for them !!
aenee/Lily
You are courageous & brave, and soo soo giving.
xo
joyful days to you and yours,
peace n abundance,
CheyAnne
I agree with what you said about "being exactly where you need to be right now" - it's a sort of lightbulb thing, isn't it? =)
xoxo
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the magic textures. thank you for your generous spirit.
Thank you for being brave and so courageous in telling your story. You've shared real things, life things. It is stunning. I am moved. Completely.
I am inspired, also.
And grateful for having had the privilege to read your words. Your thoughts. Your story.
You know, just one day I found you... Surfing the net, looking for help for my Photoshop insecurities. <sheepish grin> And there you were. I thought to myself, "Hey... she looks like she knows a thing or two about Photoshop. I could use her help! But what I didn't know then was, she knew a thing or two more... <warm smile>
So yes, I believe too that we are always where we should be as the Universe aligns things up just perfectly for us. And sometimes the rain must take its rightful place in all of it, for which we often find we do not care for so much, but I believe it is the most important part of the set-up. We need the rain. We do. The rain is good. It never fails to bring us back to the sun again. :)
Many thanks and warm wishes to you and yours,
Always,
Angie
xo
this is what i am experiencing.
this very moment.
as if the walls around my little life are not solid, but elastic.
and i have only to push on them and they can be changed, stretched.
and you are the voice to the insecurity, the fear.
Thanks be to God for his many blessings to you and your family.... and to all those who are inspired and lifted up by that grace.
Thank you for all the beautiful 12 days of textures, and have a good & happy Christmas!
Thank YOU!!!