My Story - Part 1

and your weekend texture.....

Remember the dream post I shared a few weeks ago? :) I told you that I was going to tell you 'my story' Well, I'm back with a tour of my studio and my story..... The studio ties in with my journey.... hopefully by the end of this post it will all come together. 

And of course, I have a lovely little texture for you to try as well. Stay tuned.

Okay, so let's start at the beginning...in a fast forward kind of way.  

I was born in Manitoba...Canada in 1968. I was the youngest in a family of 2... just me and my older brother. We lived in a few places before we settled in the town my Dad grew up in... and the town I live in today. (I was 12)

I was fortunate to grow up with good friends and a supportive family. My life, all in all was GOOD.

As a kid I always said I wanted to be a teacher and I secretly dreamt of being an artist. The funny part was, I never made art. But I could totally imagine being an artist. I remember feeling different, yet not sure why that was.

I met my husband John when I was 19 and I was married at 21. I had Brett 13 months later and Bryce 15 1/2 months after that. By the time I was 23 I was a mother of 2 boys. We moved into the house we still live in...and the house of my dreams in 1992.

It's pretty crazy....but growing up we lived just across the street and a few houses down from this old house...and I said, one day I would live here. Seriously, I really did!

So, when I saw this house come up for sale in the local paper I was determined that we come and take a look at it. The timing was brilliant. We were just about to buy a modular home. The deal was almost signed. Character homes, like like this old girl do not come up for sale very often. Anyhow, I walked in, fell instantly in love...turned to John and said, we have to buy this house! And that was that... it all worked out. Okay it wasn't nearly as simple as that....it took some major work to make it happen... But it did!! We moved in and 6 months later, John got his job at the hospital across the street from where we lived. The job we prayed he would get and the job that allowed me to quit my full time job and stay at home with the boys.

I tell you the house story, because to me it is all part of my journey to this very day. If it was not for this old house, I would not have started painting. It's also a perfect example of how stating your intentions can make things happen. I was a teenager who stated her intentions to a friend.... 'I am going to live in that house someday!'

I wanted to fill our antique home with old worn, primitive pieces.... But there was no money for decorating. Money was tight, to say the least. And so, I went out and bought a few brushes, some paint...a few surfaces....and started attempting to make my own pieces to fill our home. Thinking back to my first work... I could cringe... But, at the time, I thought it was beautiful.....

To make a long story short... my painting lead to a few craft fairs....to selling my signs on ebay....and then to a publisher who licensed my work.

And so I think you can see how this old house was a huge part of my journey...

So I painted and painted....I started working in our basement...  but it was too dreary and damp. So I squished the boys into one bedroom and took over the spare room. I outgrew the spare room, and they outgrew sharing a room.... so I took over the dining room. And well, it was not pretty. And my mother was horrified... She's very neat and clean...and organized. Imagine our lovely old dining room table covered in drop cloths pine boards, paint, stain, rags.... etc.... I'm sure my Mom had a hard time visiting...... it was really quite terrible.

My parents had a little stash of money and they gifted it to me and my brother.... But mine came with another gift....

a gift of my dad's hands and time to build me my very own studio!! Woo hoo.... DREAM come true... BIG TIME!!

That gift was more than money and space...It was.... 'we believe in you.... now go....DO what you seem to have to do....and make your dreams come true!'

While I was working away at my art, I was also running a home daycare. I would look after kids in the day and make art after the boys went to bed...into the wee hours of the morning. It was hard, but so worth it.  

The studio was the launch of my for-real business.... I don't think I would be here today, doing what I love if it weren't for that... Ya know?

Life progressed, the boys grew up. I was making art full time. Business was good! My art was on prints, giftware, wallpaper, calendars etc. Seriously, so fabulous! I was able to do what I love and I was getting paid well for it. Woo hoo! Finally, we were able to pay the bills and have a little room for extras. It was amazing. I remember walking Andy and thinking wow, I am so blessed. Thank you God!

And then......it all came crashing down.

Brett was 16 and Bryce was entering 15. They were good boys. Bryce was always very strong willed.....right from the beginning. But man oh man... the teen years hit him HARD. And so began the hardest experience of our lives. Bryce started to change. I knew he was struggling, but there seemed to be very little we could do or say to help him. He was lost and as much as I wanted to hold out my hands and bring him back, he just could not grab hold.

I will spare you the details, but let's just say it was the beginning of the longest and most difficult 2 1/2 years of my life. I lived, trapped in fear. It felt like I was always on the edge of my seat, waiting for the worst to happen. I felt scared and alone. I think that may be part of my issue with friendship. Let's just say, during that time, friendship really let me down.

And as hard as it was for me, it was nothing compared to the turmoil Bryce was in. My son was living in his own personal hell...and everyday he struggled to hold on.

3 years ago this coming May, all my fears and worries seemed to come true...in one phone call. It was after midnight when the phone rang....I knew it was going to be awful news. And it was. Thankfully no one was physically hurt. I can not share the details, it is Bryce's story to tell... but it was the beginning of a long lonely journey of recovery for us all. Let's just say, living in a tiny town, when someone you love makes some really bad choices is very lonely. People don't look at you. People don't call you...and people definitely judge you!

This was also the beginning of Bryce's new life. He had no choice, but to start over. As awful as it all was, it was part of his journey and our journey. And we survived. He survived and he made it through and is doing much better now. 

During that two plus years I slowly quit painting. I had no desire to create.... I just sat a lot... in fear. In fact, I became a prisoner of that fear. It owned me! As much as all the worry and what if's changed nothing, fixed nothing... it was all I knew. It consumed me. My husband kept moving, working, living. Thankfully. But I just stopped. And sat and feared.... and asked why? over and over and over again... Why?

Fear robbed me of my creativity...and over time I quit working completely.That wonderful income that we had coming in, also started to fade away. 

After that phone call in the middle of the night, I realized no matter, what life goes one. And one day, my camera called to me. I took it on the trail and my life changed. I felt as though I was reborn. Literally the art started to pour out of me. This time through my camera. Eventually I picked up the brushes again, but not to paint signs...instead to paint textures. 

Okay I will leave you here...and share part 2 another day.....

It's the good part.... the dreamy part...the mondo beyondo... CRAZY.....BEYOND belief... AWESOME...somebody pinch me....are you serious? no way!! part!!!

And so how bout a texture to end the tale? I call this one music lovin'.... I think it's a 'gooder'....
Click HERE to download it.

Love & gratitude...always....

xo,

Comments

[Lori Lindsey]

Thanks so much for this post, Kim. I can so relate as I have a 19 year old that is going down a path that I would never have chosen for her and I fear the pain she will go through in making some very bad choices. Thank you for the encouragement and I'm so glad that you picked up that camera and went in a new direction. I really enjoy your posts and tutorials. You are a true blessing.

Lori

[ELK]

hello friend .. sharing from the heart is a great gift ... thank you for that. I am so glad that Bryce is doing better and that you are creating with such joy!! It is a happy ending ~ what a marvel you are!

[Grandma Deal]

I learned from my own life experiences that if we don't live through hell, we won't recognize heaven. Sharing is a good healing tool. God blessed you and yours.

[Donna M.]

What a glorious post. Thank you for sharing it. We can either choose to defeat the trials and challenges or we can allow them to defeat us. Success in life, I have found, is a decision. And along the way, be thankful for many blessings that we possess.

I cherish an artwork piece of yours. You were very kind to make it for me after I lost an ebay bid. It was quite a while ago and you have long since forgotten, I'm sure. I just want you to know that I appreciated your kindness. And I am now delighted to see that photography is your new path.

[Kelly]

**Big Sigh** Our Dear Kim...you are such an inspiration...and a generous soul. You deserve all good things. My mom went through that whole mucky muck stuff with my brother until he was well into adulthood. I lived through it as a teenager...the fear, the sheer anguish of those phone calls. I'm glad to hear Bryce is doing better and I only he is able to stay on his path to all things good. I believe in Karma and I feel like you are getting some goodness returned....I simply can not wait to hear part 2 of the story. I also hope, that next year, the SS's will once again meet. I have already told my husband I simply can not miss the next one!
Thank you always for your generosity. I had my pics done for TT.....but I will have to go back and re-edit! This is so beautiful.

[Dianne]

Kim,
I have been reading your blog for awhile now but I could not just read this post without commenting and saying thank you. Thank you for your courage to share your journey, your honesty and for giving me hope. I am grateful that you picked up your camera and that you share your wonderful creations with all of us.

[vicky]

Wonderful story of God's healing work, Kim! Looking forward to reading part 2 even though we all can see portions of it at work in your blog! Thanks for the lovely texture!

[Carmen]

There are many things that touched me about your post -- I was born in Saskatchewan (I know I don't have to say Canada to you) and moved to North Dakota when I was 6 weeks old. I also happened to be born in 1968. Even though I have moved around (unlike yourself) I felt that moment that said, "this could be you". I think that's what is so amazing about people's stories, the fact that it could be our own. Thank you for sharing, both your life and your art. As I get older, I'm finding the two are more intertwined than we could ever imagine.

[GadgetSponge.com]

What a story. And I'm so thankful that you shared it. We all have our journeys and hurdles in life and it's what makes us who we are and what we do from there on. I also wanted to take a moment to sincerely thank you. I've bought a few texture packages before and use them all the time. I think you are very generous to offer up the free textures very regularly and I can't wait to see and use each one. Thanks for all that you do and for inspiring others and providing a tool to improve everyone else's art. Keep on keepin' on!

[Electra]

Thank you for your honesty Kim. I'm in the midst of some tough times and you've lifted my spirits. PLUS, who knew you were born in Manitoba? I lived in Win(ter)peg for a few years!

[Marie Z. Johansen]

Thanks for sharing your story Kim. None of us can go through life without creating a story - and carrying some 'baggage'. Your story is inspiring and may just share the link with a friend who is going through this same living purgatory. All of us have times when all we can do is hang on for the ride and pray that we are strong enough to actually want to hang on. It's the lifeline you use but how you use the lifeline that matters. I too live in a small town (thankfully) and totally understand what can happen when a part of the family 'makes a bad decision'. As your sign says Keep calm and carry on. Well done!

[susan ogden]

going trough my own personal fire now...this story gives me hope that i too can get through it and be better for it.....thank you so much for sharing and for the beautiful gifts you give us with each texture. you are truly an inspiration. ((HUG))

[yvette]

Kim, I don't remember how our paths crossed but so happy that they have...I only hope one day I have the same courage you have to share your journey with us...I still live behind journeys shadows and can only hope that I can exceed, succeed and go beyond. I have always been creative, but lost it for over ten years when life took me in another direction. My choices now, are my own choices, and that's always a stating point to succeed! Thankyou are again for all your beautiful texture work. I love all your work!

[Allison]

Thank you for sharing all these lovely textures, Kim! It is a little piece of happiness to see "another texture to try" in my inbox :)





"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

[Life Images by Jill]

thank you so much for sharing your incredible story with us. It goes to show, hold tight to dreams and be there for the ones you love. Never give up hope.
Thank you Kim.

[Life Images by Jill]

ps - I LOVE your studio. I will hold onto that dream for me to have a studio filled with light and love one day.

[mary bailey]

Thank you Kim for sharing your story. For so long you have inspired us with your art - now you are doing the same with your heart. Hugs, my dear - your light is shining :-)

[jennyw47]

Kim., from reading all the posts here it seems that we all have a story to share about some part of our lives. We have to pick ourselves up and go on and 90% of us have found an escape in photography and texturing and so we are all helping each other on Flickr. I am glad you are through the dark side and are now in the sunlight. Your work area is just so amazingly ordered and I couldnt think of a better place to be creative in.

[Lois]

Kim,

I appreciate your honesty and ability to share your story with us. Your words are art as well. They move me. Bring up tears and smiles and hope. I'm stuck in that place of fear - not for any of the same reasons you were - going on over 3 years now.

I can't wait to read your next post on this. I learn so much from your writing. You feel like a 'friend' that I can listen to, be honest with and share the bad - and the good times.

I can't wait to hear the OMG, how-my-life-has-changed moments that it sounds like we're getting to read next.

I love that your honesty, openness and love shines on everyone here.

Thank you. You are loved back...Lois

[Pam D]

It's funny how we mamas know. We have a sense that things will not go well for our babies. I had that unrest for years when my boy was little, and he had a hard, hard time in the early grades. Right now, in 6th grade, he is happy and my heart is light. But I know, without a doubt, that if things get tough for him I will know it. And that weight will fall again on my heart. You have been through the fire, and you were not consumed. And THAT is what makes diamonds. So shine on, sweet friend.. (and I am so thankful for this texture! My boy is in the band, and THIS will make some edits very, very special....)

[Cindy Renate]

Thank you for sharing Kim. It is so difficult to continue to create when turmoil hits our lives but sometimes we have to in spite of it. Thank you for all that you do KIm, you reach out and touch so many.

Cindy x

[shelley in bigsky]

very cool story....love it...i can totally relate...i'm climbing out of my own hole right now...very inspirational and don't feel so all alone in the struggle...thanks...play well...shelley

[karen]

Kim, Thank you for sharing your story. I am a mother of two daughters now in their twenties. I know that feeling of fear worrying about them. I am glad that you son is doing better now, and that you found your destiny through adversity. I think that God takes our brokenness and is able to use that to feed others. You certainly have fed so many people with your talent, direction and joy. You changed my photography forever.

You continue to be my inspiration.

Karen

[Tiaras & Tantrums]

that was so lovely to read . . . thank you for sharing . . . These are my favorite posts to read on blogs . . . the connections - the real, raw stories. I had a brother who struggled with his teen years, and I too grew up in a small town, the younger sister of the fallen teen boy . . . it's tough! I left that small (minded) town and have never looked back. Perhaps the small town is too small for your little man?! I hope his heart is soon settled! It is so very hard - this path of life.

[Nancy Wyatt]

Thank you for sharing your story. Hugs from Conroe, Texas

[Todd Naber]

Thanks Kim for sharing your story. I've had to deal with some personal issues in my life because of my parents poor choices, and joining the Navy as a Photographer many years ago helped me appreciate the things I missed growing up.
Getting married later in life to 'my-creative-wife' has helped me 'see-through-the-camera-eye' things I often take for granted! What I can't capture with the camera, I can create with Photoshop and your textures and this helps me express my creativity even more.
I look forward to your next chapter!
Todd

[akrubygal]

Kim,
Thanks for your post and for sharing your life (of ups and downs) with us. I'm so glad things have worked out and that no one got physically hurt. Those teenage years are difficult. Your son will amaze you as his life gets on the right track. My best to you and your family!

[Jan]

Everybody has a story - and I'm so happy to read yours. There is much strength behind you, girl.
And I had NO idea about your past art ... I admit, I googled :)
I recognize almost every print I came across. WOW! I'm totally blown away. What a small world. That was you! All those prints I lusted over and wanted for my home! ha!
So much talent.
I'm glad your son is doing so much better and I look forward to reading the next bit.
xoxo

[Anita]

Thanks so much for sharing your story Kim. It is so very difficult to have to watch your kids struggle. When they hurt, we hurt. Glad things are working out for him and that you have found happiness once again!

[Angie]

You are beautiful.

Thank you for sharing your story with us - that was courageous of you, you know. And admirable.

Lovely texture, too. Thank you, Kim.

Angie
xo

[Laura]

Oh, Kim. I so wish I could just give you a hug. And I'm grateful Camp brought us together, even if it was just a car ride and a little shopping. The fires of life mold us and refine us and make us who we are. I am so happy you picked up your camera and started creating again. We were made to create and you have so much to offer this crazy, fun, hectic, unexplainable, hard, wonderful, ugly, beautiful time we call life.

[Hillary]

Your story is just incredible, Kim, and I'm so glad to hear it once again, with all the extras about your house and studio, which are both dreamy beautiful. I am so inspired by the way the Universe clearly gives you what you aim toward. And we all know there are always lessons to be learned along the way -- often the hard way -- that the Universe must teach us. Blessings to you and your whole family, and the doggies!

[Carole M.]

life itself isn't always an easy path to tread, no matter how much we strive for that. I emphathize with your struggles, and understand how it held you back for so long. I'm sure the writing now is helping you to offload and move on, and from that you can be somewhat energized and re-focus where you left off. You will probably 'soar' with your new goals and knowing too that your son is moving on in his own life also, way beyond where you found your most difficult days, and weeks...and months, and years. Take heart in your strengths that you've found within you (and with others in similar adversities); you will find your way again. Best wishes and I love your creativity, and thank-you, for yet another lovely giveaway.

[Barb]

Thanks for being so courageous to open up about such a personal time in your life. Out of an unfortunate circumstance, you were given a gift to share with people around the world and you are going to help people through your own experience.
Thanks for being someone us fans can relate to and I wish you the best and many blessings.

[mosey (kim)]

Life is such a meandering, organic path. It's hard to wrap my head around sometimes. I'm so glad you're here, doing what you do, in spite of the ups and downs that life threw at you. I'm going to work on my own "story", inspired by you.

[Ingrid]

Thank you for sharing and I can't wait to hear Part Two. So glad you found your creative mojo once again!

[silviaON]

oh - what a story....
so good you find your roots back - wish you the best my dear ...
xox

[Taschja]

Wow! What a journey! So glad you had a camera to re-invent yourself and your art! Can't wait to hear the second part!

[Rosie]

They sat a problem shared is a problem halved... You are very courageous Kim - and I understand very well the "small town mind". It hurt us a lot too via our DD. Thanks for another beautiful texture and for being so open and inspiring. xo

[Xanthe]

Love all of this, your story, studio (now I can really picture you) and your honesty. Love you xxxxx

[carobalou]

merci pour ces trè!s jolies photos et pour cette belle nouvelle texture

[Miriam]

From my heart to your heart,Thank you Kim x

[Karen]

Thanks for bravely sharing your story and your talents. I understand how difficult it can be to be creative with lots of "backstory" going on. Many days even the process of putting one foot in front of the other is overwhelming. Stumbled onto your site and have sincerely been enriched by your journey and by your textures.

[Angela]

Dear Kim,

Thank you for sharing your live story...I'm really touched..

Love the new texture..thanks!!

[Leonie-Australia]

Thank you for sharing your story Kim, So glad it is all coming together for you now.

[dana]

Dear Kim, I feel privileged to be allowed a glimpse into your life (and your beautiful studio!) and some of your worst moments. It takes a very strong person to go through something that difficult and rise from the ashes like a phoenix bird full of new life (and art). I am so happy to hear that your son is doing so much better nowadays and that the good times have finally returned to your family, I wish you from my all heart that they stay for good. Good luck and thank you!

[Dale]

It is hard to share a personnel story and hard to live in a small town where people are judgmental. Sorry you were so lonely during your time of need. "A friend in need is a friend indeed"....so true! I am blessed with a friend like that but unfortunately time has put us in different geographic locations but I can still rely on her. Thank you so much for sharing. I can remember my Mother saying"life is not easy" I replied "But you didn't tell me it would be this hard!" Somehow we make it through, my camera is also a big part of my life and I do believe we are not given more than we can bare. Life is good!

[Susan B]

oh. my. {{{{{hugs}}}}} Kim, oh (!!) how I can relate to your post. On so many levels. I only have one brother, the idyllic childhood, now living in a lovely old farmhouse (of my childhood dreams) right down the street from where my grandparents (in my case) lived many years ago. My husband and I have a dozen children (all ours!) and we too walked through a *very* dark 2.5 years when our second child struggled mightily trying to "figure things out." Thankfully, he is doing great now, but I do know what it is to lose all motivation to create. I have been refinding that motivation during the past two years and it is good. so good. Thank you for sharing. {{{{hugs}}}}

[Sharon]

Through your generous gifts of textures, you have given me a wonderful stock of art to help me create another way to make pictures. Thanks so much, Kim, not only for that, but also for your honest sharing of your texture-filled life. It adds another layer of inspiration.

[Debbie]

I can't wait to read Part II - You are so inspirational. Even though at the time we don't see how our life events shape us, difficult as some of them are - but the end result is a higher level of awareness and an overflowing of love.

What I wouldn't do for a studio like yours :-)