My Christmas Story

December 24th….

In the escape, driving down the highway, music blasting (thank you xanthe)…. 

Thoughts in my head…went something like this……

Can i really be this happy? Is it possible? Can life truly be this good?….. I have a loving, supportive family…. the sweetest dog and best companion ever….I get to do what I love, every single day….I get to make art, inspire others…share my light, grow, learn evolve…..be ME. 
Am I dreaming?

December 25th

Lovely Christmas day with family….. very nice….

December 26th

Nice peaceful day…. all good… still full from Christmas cheer....
lovely….. thankful....

'sigh'

December 27th

4:00 am: woken by the beep of my iPhone… never good at that hour.
a text message….. 'mom, i'm so sorry…. i screwed up!'….. I'm sorry……'

POOF… that dreamy feeling… GONE… in an instant….

It was bad news…it was a set back… but it wasn't tragic… it wasn't the worst news…. My boy will be okay… He will learn, grow…. evolve… from these experiences….. everything has a purpose... meaning...lesson....

December 27th

11:00 am: Sitting here at my desk…. feeling that past dread moving in….. finding it's way into my heart...…. and then….

lightbulb…

holy sh*t Kim… no freaking way….. not again…..I'm not going there. Been there…done that… Forget it!

Take a deep breath….give thanks…. it could have been worse…it could have been tragic….. We make mistakes, we pay the price, we learn, we move forward…and hopefully we grow.

In that moment…. I gave myself permission …. one day to wallow, vent, be mad, be sad….whatever I needed…. and then that was it… must move forward…take the steps….

December 28th

6:00 am: Up out of bed… pull on my Uggs…. (cause they make everything feel better)….. back to business…..

I am okay….We are okay....this will not bring us down… I will not wallow…I will move forward… 
I did shed a few tears…..but that's okay…it felt darn good….

Life …so it goes… round and round…up and down…we gotta ride the wave……

I tell you all this...not to dwell on the 'mistake'...or even past mistakes....but to share.....
life is not always perfect.....we are not defined by our mistakes.... each moment holds a gift....we may just have to wait for it to reveal itself....

For all that....I am most thankful.

 

xo, 

p.s. I'm sharing over at Shutter Sisters today...and I invite you to also.... Come share your 2012 'I can' statements for a chance to win a spot in my new eCourse, Beyond Layers.

Comments

[bella]

Your story reminds me so much of what
I'm going through with my brother.
Hugs & Love to you.
It's most inspiring how you pick up & choose to see the light. xo

[Sherri B.]

From one Mom to another, I'm sending you hope and strength. Your honesty and realness with your readers is so wonderful; we all have our struggles, don't we? It is never, ever easy. I love your quote - it's words are so true! Have a good day, Kim.

[Anon]

Thank you for sharing. I seem to have been in a slump for about 2 years now when my life had 3 life changing events in 5 months. What inspired me about your post today is that it's okay to have a setback day, it just shouldn't go on for 2 years or it's just too destructive.

[Darla]

Hi Kim,
Thanks for sharing from your heart. Your posts encourage me to share more from my heart. It might not always be "happy" but meaningful and heartfelt. I usually don't send comments, but wanted to let you know. Sometimes I feel like I am talking to air...though it is therapeutic:) You have found your way...And I truly appreciate all you have shared with us.

Warm wishes for a Happy New Year!

[Lissa @ lafcustomdesigns]

Kim, my heart is with you as you walk your path. I am encouraged by your positive attitude. Our children bring their own dynamic to our relationships and sometimes it is hard to understand or accept. Sometimes we must understand that their actions are not our actions. I second Sherri B. about your honesty and realness. Keep doing what you're doing, my friend. My prayers are with you. laf

[Wenche]

A lot of strength from me to you, and a lot of happy days :0)

[kelly]

ugh. (or, Ugg!) those moments are tough, but you will move through it, and i think you already have the right attitude. sending you hugs and much love.
kelly

[deb k]

we got the 4 am call last january. second dwi in 2 years. we could pick him up at the psychiatric wing in the hospital. this after we'd gotten the news that he & his estranged girlfriend were expecting.

breathe.


breathe.


breeeathe.

love HAD to find a way or i would either die of grief or run, run RUN and never ever come back.

we learn to walk in the dark places with grace held high over our heads. by those who've crawled this path before.

His grace be unto you & yours. shields UP, o dear Lord, make the path straight & plain.

[Dotti]

Oh, Kim! My heart aches for you! I remember facing a family crisis and I asked my husband how we would ever get through it and he said, "Together, like we always do." And we did. And you will, too. In the end, you'll all be stronger for it. And your family will, too.

Blessings, my friend, and thanks for all you do to enrich my life.

[janel]

As I read your post, my physical being actually changed when I read the text message from your son....you are so strong and so brave. My thoughts and my heart go out to you. Thank you for sharing your hopes and your fears...you are not alone. Peace!

[Maureen]

That text was a blip on the REALITY of this...

"Can i really be this happy? Is it possible? Can life truly be this good?….. I have a loving, supportive family…. the sweetest dog and best companion ever….I get to do what I love, every single day….I get to make art, inspire others…share my light, grow, learn evolve…..be ME. Am I dreaming?"

No you weren't dreaming. That IS your true reality. You have learned a major life lesson, and that text was your reminder. Lots of love to you Kim. So many of us have btdt and learned to detach with love. It takes practice, and sometimes we get lots of opportunities to practice. They surely seem to be painful at the time but that just tells me our hearts are still open. Many hugs.

[kimB from Alaska]

Ah, Kim -- you are a true friend. Know why? Because you are so transparent with us. You are not afraid to share what's in your innermost heart. The good and the disappointing; the great and the heartbreaking; the joy and the sorrow.

I am praying for you, your son and your family during this time -- but even without my prayers, I know you all will be okay. Because you have that strength, that determination, that faith and that love that is necessary to move forward in hope and grow in the wisdom gained from experience.

Hugs to you, my Friend <3

[Marcie]

Sending you warm hugs and wishes. Been there..done this - whatever it is...my thoughts are with you!! One foot in front of another...:-)!

[Tinachicky]

Thank you.

Thank you for reminding me that through it all, we will all be okay.

I thought I was past something and something happened to test that, and I'm just riding it, trying to get through it again.

Thank you.

[marlis]

Oh Kim, how quickly we learn that a mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child. We are living our son's mistake. It will continue to take it's toll, but in the process we have grown as a family, gathered strength from one another and persevered. As you will, too. I will keep you in my prayers. Wishing you warmth, good cheer and many, many blessings in the new year.

[Cathy Bueti]

Sending you hugs and strength Kim! Thank you for sharing all moments in your journey and inspiring us. xo

[teresa]

Hugs, Kim . . . .You are different . . . life has changed you . . .you have more experience now, more understanding, more faith.. . . you really will be fine . . . .and your son will come through this older and wiser.

When we really love somebody we can take on such a heavy burden a burden that's too heavy for anybody and can be crushing. You love your son but you can't carry him . . .

Thank you for all the love you pour into your work . . . .just feel it coming back from us all
xxx

[Rosie]

Bless you, Kim... Going through similar stuff here too. Thank heavens for a sense of humour and broad shoulders, eh?
I truly believe that Art Saves Lives... It has certainly saved m,y sanity over the past 2 years, so I am sending you warmth, humour and twinkle-hugs from over the Pond. =)

[yvette]

Blessings to you and your family. I couldn't be happier to see the end of 2011, it has flown but not without its heartbreaks, I only wish i had your courage to let it all out! I acknowledge your strength and courage in your words and truly feel the love which bounds your heart . Many Blessings x

[Sü Smith]

Wow what a great story. It's so positive. :o)

I love this!! Life …so it goes… round and round…up and down…we gotta ride the wave……

Hugs!! <3 <3 <3

[ceevee]

You are such a kind sweet person with so much talent. Hang in there. btdt

[Lee]

Kim, it took my breath away when I read "4:00 am: woken by the beep of my iPhone… never good at that hour." I know you won't let this setback with your son take you to that dark place it took you several years ago. You ARE living the life of your dreams!

If you had to choose 1) perfect children/marriage, working a boring job in a cube or 2) living your artistic dream every day, but with occasional heart-crushing family episodes, I believe you would choose the life you now have - you are living the life the rest of us (who are still working in cubes!) aspire to!

Isn't it odd that I've never met you but feel like we're the best of friends because I see your heart laid out before me several times a week? You are loved. And you will get past this. It will not beat you. We're all here sending you virtual hugs.

[Sheila R]

Kim,

As a mom, my heart aches for you. Thank you for your post, today. To realize that I am not the only mom who deals with these little bumps along the journey of life. Your sweet reminder that it is alright to cry but you have to move on is just what I needed. Stepping out today and moving forward.

[beth sparkman]

Kim, I'll pray for you today. We struggled with our youngest daughter's issues for many years. God always provides extra strength, grace and mercy when needed most.
He wants us to take our pain into His light, and let Him carry it for us.
Beth

[June Scott]

Your quote is perfect and your story shows that you have, in fact, grown... into a better, stronger person. I'm sorry for what happened, but thankful for who you (and your son) are becoming through it... blessings...

[Jill]

Oh Kim, if we could sit and have coffee...there would be stories to share. My focus this Christmas has been on how Jesus came in the stable, so not "perfect". He comes to us in our imperfect lives. No matter how ugly it can get, the words spoken, the actions taken, and then He walks to the cross. Your son will see it eventually in you. He'll feel the power of the cross as you forgive him. Repeatedly. I'll pray for you for the grace that you need. Sounds like you've already received it though, but an extra prayer can never hurt. :)
I don't think we are defined by our mistakes either but we sure are blessed by the way we choose to handle them. You are bold to share so much and I thank you for that.

[Viv Halliwell]

Kim
Virtual hugs across the Atlantic xxx

[Kristina]

Kim you are so inspiring and so positive. I think it is just as important to give ourselves permission to vent, cry, scream as it is to be joyful and bursting with happiness. So good for you for doing just that. The key is like you said, to learn from our mistakes, bumps and blips and most importantly move forward. Thank you for reminding us all that each moment holds a gift. xox

[Maria]

Saying a prayer for you and your family.

[Gretchen Schaumann]

Oh Kim, I'm so sorry for the set back you are experiencing with your son. But the Lord promises to never give us more than we can bare. I'm sure though there are times that you have wondered about that... So great to see how you have grown, and already have realized to take the time to feel bad, cry and than dust yourself off and try to move out of the sadness. I just experienced something like this during the Holidays and recognized for the first time that I had a choice and did just what you are now doing and put one foot in front of the other and moved forward. Amazing the patience a Mother/parents have with their children, and so it is that our Heavenly Father has patience with us when we take baby steps and in my case it took years and years for me to figure out, when in fact I should of tossed it into his able arms long ago.
Thank you for your sharing and wonderful inspiration you've so graciously been sharing with me personally for 2 years now. I FINALLY received PSE10 for Christmas and hope to be able to follow along with your January 9th class that I've signed up for. So very excited!
You will be in my prayers and thoughts in the days ahead, as well as your son.
Gretchen of Mimi-Toria's Designs

[sell wow accounts]

such are life's lessons=)

[Acativa]

Thanks Kim!
All the best for you and your family!
Féliz Año Nuevo!

[Karen]

We always have Hope. You've seen this place before and you know there is healing and a better day coming. I'm so glad that lightbulb moment came sooner rather than later. My prayers are with your family and especially your precious son.

[Barbara]

Kim... you are truly an inspiration! Thank you for sharing your story. Sending healing thoughts your way and trying to let your words soak through my head and into my soul as I had a 'poof' moment on the 31st. It has sent me reeling.... I am going to reread your words and try to see things in a different light.

Peace!

[Xanthe]

xoxox (((hugs)))

[Lisa]

Sending you a ton of hugs! You are an amazing person Kim! You have been a true inspiration to me!!

[Anna]

Havent been following long but my post today was about our 2011. I thought motherhood would get easier as my children grew up- the joke was on me! I love all the beautiful sweet sentiments your readers shared. Such a blessing.